Keep It Safe
When your kids are at home they ought to feel safe. This is pretty easy for me right now because my children are 7, 6, 4, 1, & brand new. When my little girl says, “Daddy I’m scared of the dark”, I simply tell her not to worry because we have an alarm and it will tell us if anyone is trying to get in. The only thing I have to do to keep my home safe right now is turn the alarm on. But when kids hit adolesence it is a whole new ball game. I learned early in my years as a youth minister how much pressure young people face. That is why it is crucial for you to intentionally make them feel safe at home. This is easier said than done because when our children move into the second decade of life our relationship with them changes. In their first twelve years of life we are their hero but overnight we can turn into a zero. It is not uncommon for a child in early adolesence to experience rejection from their peers. This rejection can be detrimental to their self-esteem. As a parent you must intentionally accept them in the midst of their rejection. This is hard for us as parents because our kids often reject us at this stage of their lives. This is a very fragile stage for a young person and it is crucial to make them feel accepted in spite of the rejection we face. Don’t expect your teenager to tell you how much they appreciate you while they are in this phase of life. Just be patient the day will come when they will tell you how much they appreciate you. Never forget that your number one job is development. You are a parent not a buddy!
Because of our unusual circumstances, Chris and I made the decision to be very blunt when addressing Faith’s safety. I remember when Faith was about 7 years old she had questions about how we would protect her. Of course she would because of what had happened to her sister. We told her she was safe because we would go to great lengths to stop anybody that threatened to harm to her. She was fine with it and the question never came up again. That one conversation continues to put her at ease to this very day. It was a much easier task than protecting her from rejection and everything else that occurs during these trying teenage years. It doesn’t boil down to one conversation. It takes many conversations daily, and as trying as it is, I am enjoying the ride. The task of developing seems impossible at times when talking to Faith. It seems like I am arguing with a fence post. But I keep talking, keep challenging and every once in awhile, she lets me know that I am getting it right.
I also think being intentional in being actively involved in everything they do is important. I can’t tell you how many bleachers we sat in on cold, rainy nights, how many field trips we went on, how many church camps I have been to. The boys always knew we were there if they needed us. We let them do their thing but we were still actively there. They didn’t always like us in their teen years but we hung in there. I remember one time in particular on a field trip with Daniel, he was probably 4th grade, he had this stick and a kid came up and just took it. I quietly, believe it or not, walked up and took it back. Daniel thought his mom was a hero. I always encourage all my parents to stay actively involved with their child as they go into the Jr. High years. Get them involved and you get involved also. They will come back to you once they get through the teen years. Then you can be their friend.